Dean Martin: Quotes From The Man Himself

I had been wanting to post some quotes from Dean Martin. The King of Cool always had some words of wisdom for us. Many of them are downright hilarious. Dino has always known how to make us laugh. I enjoy reading his take on other celebrities and the world at large. Dino understood what the world was all about. He knew how to live life to the fullest.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, come to think of it I never did hang around to thank her for that.

Hey lady! do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

Sorry, Buddy. We've already got three.

Routine plays that we have been making, we just didn't make them.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

We will play a little more situational now, where runs are more important. I feel pretty good about our team.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(On Phyllis Diller) Phyllis is the women of about whom Picasso once said, 'Somebody throw a drop cloth over that.'

(On Don Rickles) Don`s idea of a fun evening is to show home movies of the attack on Pearl Harbor...with a laugh track.

(On John Wayne) Someone else, would have laid around, feeling sorry for himself, for a year. But Duke, he just doesn`t know, how to be sick ... he`s recuperating the hard way. He`s two loud speaking guys in one. Me, when people see me, they sometimes say, `Oh, there goes... '

(On Jerry Lewis) At some point he said to himself, "I`m extraordinary, like Charles Chaplin." From then on nobody could tell him anything. He knew it all.

(On Shirley MacLaine) Shirley, I love her, but her oars aren`t touching the water these days.

(On Joey Bishop) Most people think of Joey Bishop as just a replacement for Johnny Carson. That`s NOT true. We in show business know better: we don`t think of him at ALL.

Motivation is a lotta crap.

(On Frank Sinatra) In high school, Frank never participated in extra-curricular activities, like nature study, paintings or ceramics. Frank`s hobby was a most interesting one: he was an amateur gynecologist.

I can`t stand an actor or actress who tells me acting is hard work. It`s easy work. Anyone who says it isn`t never had to stand on his feet all day dealing blackjack.

(Upon filing for divorce from his second wife) I know it`s the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I`m no gentleman.

(On Orson Welles) What can you say about Orson Welles that Don Rickles hasn`t already said about him?!

I drink because my body craves, needs alcohol. I don`t drink, my body`s a drunk.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let `em. That`s how I got here, you know.

(On Bob Hope) As a young boy, Bob didn`t have much to say. He couldn`t afford writers then.

(On singer Eddie Fisher) The reason I drink is because when I`m sober I think I`m Eddie Fisher.

(On Johnny Carson) Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that`s why his last wife left him.

(To those who felt he joked his way through songs during concert and nightclub appearances) You wanna hear it straight, buy the album.

(On Frank Sinatra) When he dies, they`re giving his zipper to the Smithsonian.

I do hope you got a kick out of all those quotes from Dean Martin. I really had fun finding all of them. Some of those I had never seen before. This was a pleasure for me to put this post together. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Cheers!

P.S. I wanted to make mention that Altovise Davis, the widow of Sammy Davis Jr., died Saturday in a Los Angeles hospital of complications from a stroke. She was 65. My heart and prayers go out to her family.