Monday, March 16, 2009

Dean Martin: Quotes From The Man Himself


I had been wanting to post some quotes from Dean Martin. The King of Cool always had some words of wisdom for us. Many of them are downright hilarious. Dino has always known how to make us laugh. I enjoy reading his take on other celebrities and the world at large. Dino understood what the world was all about. He knew how to live life to the fullest.

It was a woman who drove me to drink, come to think of it I never did hang around to thank her for that.

Hey lady! do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.

Sorry, Buddy. We've already got three.

Routine plays that we have been making, we just didn't make them.

We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.

We will play a little more situational now, where runs are more important. I feel pretty good about our team.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(On Phyllis Diller) Phyllis is the women of about whom Picasso once said, 'Somebody throw a drop cloth over that.'

(On Don Rickles) Don`s idea of a fun evening is to show home movies of the attack on Pearl Harbor...with a laugh track.

(On John Wayne) Someone else, would have laid around, feeling sorry for himself, for a year. But Duke, he just doesn`t know, how to be sick ... he`s recuperating the hard way. He`s two loud speaking guys in one. Me, when people see me, they sometimes say, `Oh, there goes... '

(On Jerry Lewis) At some point he said to himself, "I`m extraordinary, like Charles Chaplin." From then on nobody could tell him anything. He knew it all.

(On Shirley MacLaine) Shirley, I love her, but her oars aren`t touching the water these days.

(On Joey Bishop) Most people think of Joey Bishop as just a replacement for Johnny Carson. That`s NOT true. We in show business know better: we don`t think of him at ALL.

Motivation is a lotta crap.

(On Frank Sinatra) In high school, Frank never participated in extra-curricular activities, like nature study, paintings or ceramics. Frank`s hobby was a most interesting one: he was an amateur gynecologist.

I can`t stand an actor or actress who tells me acting is hard work. It`s easy work. Anyone who says it isn`t never had to stand on his feet all day dealing blackjack.

(Upon filing for divorce from his second wife) I know it`s the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I`m no gentleman.

(On Orson Welles) What can you say about Orson Welles that Don Rickles hasn`t already said about him?!

I drink because my body craves, needs alcohol. I don`t drink, my body`s a drunk.

If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let `em. That`s how I got here, you know.

(On Bob Hope) As a young boy, Bob didn`t have much to say. He couldn`t afford writers then.

(On singer Eddie Fisher) The reason I drink is because when I`m sober I think I`m Eddie Fisher.

(On Johnny Carson) Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that`s why his last wife left him.

(To those who felt he joked his way through songs during concert and nightclub appearances) You wanna hear it straight, buy the album.

(On Frank Sinatra) When he dies, they`re giving his zipper to the Smithsonian.


I do hope you got a kick out of all those quotes from Dean Martin. I really had fun finding all of them. Some of those I had never seen before. This was a pleasure for me to put this post together. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Cheers!

P.S. I wanted to make mention that
Altovise Davis, the widow of Sammy Davis Jr., died Saturday in a Los Angeles hospital of complications from a stroke. She was 65. My heart and prayers go out to her family.



Erma said...

Hi Keith,

Fabulous! As always!

"Motivation is a lotta crap!"

LOL! Love It!

Keith said...

Thanks Erma. I appreciate that. Glad you liked the quotes. Cheers!

Cate said...

Hey Keith!
Wow, quotes! I love quotes, and I could use a good laugh now.
I laughed a lot about the "hello", "goodbye", "I'm pregnant" one :)
The one about the people who don't drink is quite true... Hmmm..
Hah, I imagine Jimmy Stewart wasn't too delighted when he heard what Dino said about his statue.
"Someone throw a drop cloth over that" - Oh my gosh! So mean! But hilarious. I wonder if he could take it if the other people talked about him like that.. You know that saying "He can dish it out, but he can't take it".
Frank Sinatra, the amateur gynecologist... Hm, that's suggestive.
Thankyou for this post, it really cracked me up and made me feel better!
May Altovise Davis rest in peace.

dino martin peters said...

Hey pallie Keith, thanks for sharin' so much wisdom from our Dino...woulda loves to collect all of our Dino's thoughts and put 'em in a book tagged "The Life and Teachin's of Dino"....all true Dinoholics wanna learn how to live the Dinolife from our Dinoteacher....

Keith said...

Hey Cate. Thanks for the comments. Glad you enjoyed these quotes. I had seen some of them before, but others were new to me. I had fun finding all of them. They could definitely make you laugh. I do wonder how Jimmy felt when he heard what Dino said. It was funny though. Dino got his share of jokes made about him. He did those celebrity roasts back in the 70's. He had quite a few jokes made about him there. Plus it was a chance to pick on other celebs as well. I'm so happy that you liked this post. That means a lot. I was really sad to hear of Altovise Davis passing away. That was terrible news. Take good care of yourself. Always great to hear from you. Have a wonderful week. Cheers!

Keith said...

Hey pallie DMP. Thanks for the comments. So glad you enjoyed this post. It is always cool to see what Dino had to say about different people and things in life. He always had something cool and insightful to say. A book like that would be awesome. Cheers!

Nancy Sinatra Fan said...

These were so funny. I laughed so hard at some of them. Dean always had a way with words. I did like how he could make jokes about other people and also be the butt of jokes himself. I'm sorry to hear about Sammy's widow. R.I.P.

Keith said...

Thanks Phoebe. I'm so glad you enjoyed them. They were all fun to post. They made me chuck quite a bit as I was looking them over. Dino always had quite the sense of humor. Take care. Cheers!

joe said...

I liked the ones about Phyllis Diller and Pat Boone. I totally agree about Phyllis. ;^)

Keith said...

Thanks Joe. Glad you liked them.

Fashion Pulse said...

Hahahah, I like these quotes! Absolutely fantastic!


Keith said...

Thanks Fashion Pulse. Glad you enjoyed these quotes. Cheers!

FilmFather said...

Those Dino quotes were great, but your P.S. stopped me in my tracks. I just finished reading Deconstructing Sammy earlier this month, and Altovise's death surely makes for a morbidly timed post-script to that amazing book.

Not to be insensitive to Altovise's passing, but it does make me wonder if her death will make it easier or harder for Sammy's legacy to get the proper exposure and respect it deserves.

~k said...

I love this! I would love to see more Dean quotes. I wish he would have written a book but I suppose that wouldn't have been very Dean like if he had.

gotankgo said...

Very enjoyable collection...

Keith said...

Hey FilmFather. Thanks for the comments. Glad you liked these quotes.

I know what you mean about Altovise. I had actually wondered the same thing. I haven't read that book yet, but definitely want to. I did wonder what effect this will have on Sammy's legacy, etc.

Keith said...

Hey Steph. Thanks for the comments. Good to hear from you. Thanks also for the email. I'll write back to you asap. It would have been cool if Dino had written a book. If he hadn't, I wish at least somebody else would have put together a collection of his sayings.

Keith said...

Thanks Scott. Cheers!

Planet Mondo said...

Love that one about 'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.' - a great haul keith

Keith said...

Thanks Dave. That is a good one. Glad you liked this post. It was really fun to do. Cheers!

Tonygirl said...

I love these quotes thanks!

Tonygirl said...

I am so sorry we lost Altovise she was so young may she rest in peace. I'm sorry to hear she died penniless.

Keith said...

Hey Mel. Thanks for the comments. Glad you enjoyed the quotes. I felt so bad about Altovise's passing. I was shocked when I heard it.

The Great one said...

GREAT Quotes

But you're missing one classic

"I booze because I like it and I don't to quit until I die"

now there is pure determination and 60's coolness all rolled into one.

Keith said...

Yeah, that is a good quote. Thanks for sharing that one. Cheers!

GreatGaGaGod said...

Good stuff! Loved Dean Martin he was one of a kind.